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12 Oct

We all kinda fail at this thing…i had totally forgotten about this actually until i was cleaning up my bookmarks! oops, haha. Anyways I MISS YOU ladies. Going to the PNG jungle soon…ah!


God is God and I am not.

23 Jul

This short but powerful statement was repeated to me several times during my time at Hume Lake. God is God and I am not. Okay, right. . . I know this. So why am I constantly taking matters into my own hands and acting as if this life is my own? Why do I make my own plans and abide by my own will? Why do I act on my own desires rather than inquire of the God I claim to serve? Throughout 1 Samuel, Saul is in hot pursuit of David because of straight up jealousy and pride. Saul was king and didn’t do such a great job, so God anoints David as King and Saul decides to go after David with a whole lot of men. And David sins and falls sometimes; wages war on a man who won’t give him food, lies to a priest to get what he wants, sleeps with a married woman, gets her pregnant, and has her husband killed in battle. The big difference between Saul and David is a convicted heart and the act of repentance. David recognized God as a righteous judge and a loving father and he went after God with his whole heart in order to know the heart of God. Our speaker at Hume last week said several times that, “The way we view God shapes the way we respond to God.” David obviously viewed God much differently than how Saul viewed God so that made David’s response to God, one of submission, surrender, and repentance, much different than Saul’s response to God. I respond to God half-heartedly much of the time, if I even respond. Maybe that means that I don’t truly understand God and his character and his love. During the last few weeks, I have been trying to better understand who God is so that I might obey and respond to him. I’m reading Desiring God by John Piper. He writes, “The chief end of God is to glorify God and enjoy Himself forever.” I love that. To me, that statement says so much about who God is and why he created us. All that scripture says about us being created in God’s image, about God’s redemptive plan for the world, about the cross and resurrection, and about eternity with God for those who put their faith in Christ, points towards a loving creator who desires nothing more than to glorify himself because glorifying himself brings us the most joy. That’s what’s best for us, that God glorify himself. It seems strange to say it that way, but God has to glorify himself because he is the creator and the beginning and the end. It would be weird for him to glorify anyone or anything but himself. That’s the kind of God I want to serve and respond to. I think that’s the God that David saw. He realized who God was and responded accordingly.

“God’s quest to be glorified and our quest to be satisfied reach their goal in this one experience: our delight in God, which overflows in praise. For God, praise is the sweet echo of His own excellence in the hearts of His people. For us, praise is the summit of satisfaction that comes from living in fellowship with God.” – John Piper, Desiring God

– Vanessa

I don’t usually like talking to this guy, but…

22 Jul

Dear satan,

I hate that you try to corrupt all that is good, that brokenness exists in this world because of you. I hate that your presence lets a little boy who could otherwise be healthy, to have a life-threatening condition. I hate that there is unexplanatory sadness in the world, because you are busy at work. 

But let me tell you something, I’m working hard too. I’m fighting you tooth and nail, trusting in a Strength thats bigger than my own. (Ephesians 6:11)

And you know, i can’t help everyone, but i can help that little boy. We just flew him to a hospital to get some major help, and his body and soul were affected. So were his family, and friends. You meant evil for evil, but I work for Someone who can turn evil for good, so that thru your corruption of innocence, my heavenly family is actually expanding.

So though you’re fighting desperately like a choking lung in a drowning man, I will not despair in your acts. I get to live a heck of alot longer than you, so it is YOU who should be worried. (James 4:7)


Jenn, member of the Winning Team (just keepin it real)

It’s coming!!

19 Jul

Get ready for a full-on attack of blogging goodness. I just got back from a week at Hume Lake and a lot has been hitting me and I am excited to share some of those things with both of you. I miss you and love you both a lot.

Baby Dreamer

20 Jun

hey guys, i was just sorting through things, packing for Colorado (my room is a disaster zone) and came across some old journals…thought this was kinda encouraging.

From a 17-year-old me, on july28.

“Perhaps I’m recklessly romantic…I may get let down, but i’ll take it if it means i get to keep my dreams. How in the world am i gonna become a pilot if i never think & dream that i’m gonna do it?

I choose to believe that, with God’s help, i can accomplish my goals and achieve my dreams, even though others might say otherwise.”

❤ jenn


14 Jun

** I included pictures to try and make this a little more readable…we’ll see if it works for you!

Waiting for a Picnic

Look at this bear. He is waiting. Waiting for a picnic. Waiting for something good to come. He’s at the right place for a picnic, right? He’s sitting in the right spot for a picnic, right? He’s waiting patiently for a picnic, right?

So where’s his damn picnic? Seriously…no wonder he looks a little grumpy.

Work with me here, because Lord knows I may not be making sense. This bear is waiting in the right place at the right spot for a picnic, aka something good. In the same way, don’t we as Christians tend to get frustrated with waiting for something better? We think, “I believe in God, I go to church, I sit with the right people, and life really sucks right now! Where’s my picnic, God? Where’s my better time? When will this pass?”

In the spirit of honesty, I hate waiting. I especially hate waiting for things to get better, because if I’m waiting for things to get better, than that means I’m not doing so well. And no one wants to not be doing well.


More often than not, when I pray to God, I hear Him tell me “Wait”. The only way I can think of describing it is that there is a brief calm in my sorrow and fear and boiling pot of emotions and I hear “Wait”.

Sounds magical and blessed maybe, but oh I can tell you right now when I hear it, sometimes it makes me sadder, it makes me angry.

When I hear God tell me “I have a plan for you” I say “No God, why not now? Why not tell me what happens now?”.

I hear God tell me “Wait” and I say “No God, why not now? Why not fix it now?”.

Now we don’t always have a fall-to-pieces reaction over waiting.

But here’s the thing…

We are all always waiting for something better.


Sometimes it’s the next day because today just sucked. Sometimes it’s for your grades to come in because you really honest-to-goodness don’t know if you passed precalculus. It can be waiting for a change, a move, a break from stress, a freaking       grocery store line to just hurry up! For victims of the holocaust, it was freedom from a hell they were forced into by the Nazis. For people with depression, it’s feeling happy again. It’s joy without guilt, adventure without stress, a land of milk and honey!

For a lot of us, it’s having to wait for love. You know…the special someone you feverently pray is out there?

They say true love waits…and waits…and waits…and waits. But you pray and you pray and pray, “God, I pray for that special someone and I know You made us for each other, and I will wait”

(“Oh, but maybe can I please meet him soon, God, because I’m not so sure this person exists anymore?”)

The Point of No Picnic

Now I promise I have a point here and I didn’t just write this to complain. I don’t have the answers for why things happen, and I definitely do not have answers for when something is going to get better. I wish I did. All I can give you guys is 3 things of what I know and am learning:

1) God is there, picnic or not. And He wants to be. 

In the Old Testament, the word most often translated “wait” in the sense of waiting on the Lord is the Hebrew qavahQavah means (1) “to bind together” (like a rope).  When we wait, we are expected to bind together that hope, faith, patience and trust that God is with us through thick and thin and bind that around our worrying heart and mind until it is overwhelmed with truth. How strong is our rope of patience and trust? And keep in mind and heart that God calls us to give all our worries and fears to Him, because he cares about us (1 Peter 5:7)

2) God will take care of us, picnic or not. 

Here’s a passage from Matthew 6:26-27: “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

It has been said that God’s heart breaks for us. When I read this passage suddenly I imagine a heartbroken God, one who listens to me, wanting ‘better’ to come right now, and says, “No, Erin, please, look at everything I take care of, why wouldn’t I take care of beautiful you? I love you and made you and weaved a life for you to find me, please don’t waste your time worrying otherwise.”

It’s a very smart thing for God to say to us and most often I imagine Him angry or exasperated or just plain blunt when He says this. Only now do I imagine the God that loves us so much that His heart breaks, that He gave His only son because He just wants us in His family.

3) Whether we like it or not, we learn from not having a picnic.

Since I have rambled on and on and on, I leave you with this poem I found by Russell Kelfer, called ‘Wait’. Here’s what’s funny: I was feeling low tonight and wanted some sappy poetry line about waiting for the good to put as my facebook status. I was tired, frustrated, wondering why things were the way they were with my life. And thank God I found this poem, because it inspired me to write this post and made me feel a little better. Again, I don’t have the answers, but if any of this long rant was relatable to you, than at least you know that you, a follower of God, are not alone in your stumbles and frustrations. I am right there with you.

Enjoy the poem, because honestly that’s probably the best part of this whole rant. It has more of the message that I want you to think about.

Peace,  erin

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? you say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

“My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’ to which I can resign.

“You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
I’m weary of asking! I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting for what?”

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

“I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

“You’d never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I’m doing in you.

“So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait.”

It’s Freakin Hot!!

14 Jun

Is it hot where you guys are at? It’s so hot here. Gah. I miss the nice coastal breeze of Santa Cruz. It’s like dead heat here. I know what you’re thinking. . . “Wow Vanessa, this is a great post, so intellectual and thought provoking.” Thank you.    – V